Monthly Archives: April 2012

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Wrapping up our first NIAW; baby steps on this path of ours.

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This past week was the first week I have felt normal in about a month. I have so much to look forward to in the coming months, and it just occurred to me this week that I don’t always have to have my guard up in fear of being let down again.

I’m still nervous and scared, but I have a strong trust deep down that this is finally my time. I have a peace that I didn’t have before, and I know there’s a reason for it. I am hoping and praying that my blog is noticed by the RESOLVE committee and recognized as a finalist for the “best blog” award for 2012, but I know better than to put all my eggs in that basket. I can imagine myself at the podium giving a speech about how infertility has impacted me and the opportunity to share my story and foundation in such a big way overwhelms me.

My first NIAW week was special; I was reminded each day that I am not alone in this battle, and that our community of women dealing with infertility is unstoppable. We were asked to become a part of another fertility foundation, which was a huge compliment. However, we feel that this happened to us to shape and change us, and not take the easy route. Although partnering with another group in NC would take a lot of the leg work out of what we are about to do, we feel like we need to go through the trials of getting our foundation established in order for it to be legitimized. We survived everything nearly 5 months ago so that something great could come out of it, and that’s what we intend to do. We knew coming in to this that it would be tough, and we are prepared for the road ahead of us this time; we won’t be blindsided by the difficulties that lie ahead, because we have committed ourselves to RWF just as we will be committed parents to our future children.

We are so excited to be starting our IVF treatment at REACH. Now being on the “inside” of this process, we have a new perspective on the road it took to get this far. In retrospect, we had no idea that we would be capable of so much in such a short time. Selecting our surrogate, transferring records, initial appointments, psychological evaluations and blood testing, and creating a contract saying that we are the parents to a baby in another woman’s womb; who would have ever thought this would be in our life plan. This week will bring closure to the legalities of our surrogacy; we will be finalizing our legal contract and next week signing it along with Kristen & Lee (our surrogate and her husband).  The next step is Kristen and my regulatory birth control cycle, to begin the synchronization of our bodies for reception of my embryo. Cheers to a hormonal May, and the imminent hellacious June of fertility drugs that lies ahead!

Big things are coming and we have open hearts ready to receive the good, the bad and the seemingly impossible. We are at the forefront of this battle with a huge following of supporters behind us who are willing to catch us if we fall, so onward!

Our amazing MFB group: Team RWF 2012!

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A Decision is Made

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Today was a long day, but for good reason. We arrived at REACH this morning around 9:15 am for our day full of appointments with our surrogate (gestational carrier) and her husband – aka, my cousin Kristen Broome. So it’s official, our “surrogate” has a name! A lot of people already know, being that this info has been plastered everywhere from the Charlotte Observer to Fox News. However, we had never officially given her name. So here we are, jumping into this process head first!

We decided to continue our IVF treatment at REACH for several reasons, one of them being the ability to finance. While we we adamant to avoid this, there is no feasible way to write a check for the entire amount due (IVF alone is around 20k) by July. So, to remove some of the pressure, we decided to get a loan for the amount we need and make payments using the money we have raised (and then some, if we need to). It will be hard to have the monthly payments with me still being in school full time, but we are counting on our fabulous fundraising abilities to carry us through the fall when we apply for 501(c)(3) status (nonprofit).

Emotionally, I am still on the same roller-coaster that I’ve been riding for the past 5 months; but there seem to be more “ups” than “downs” in the near future. I am ecstatic to finally anticipate something tangible; our baby is trulynot that faraway! I can look forward to a lot in the next year, but I also know that there will be many hard times as well. Not feeling my own baby’s first kick, not experiencing the “glow” of pregnancy (although my previous pregnancy was quite rough from the get-go), and worst of all – not knowing the feeling of delivering my baby from my own body. A lot of people tell me, “this is the way to go! None of the hard parts, and you still get a baby!”. True, but I would give up the “ease” of having a surrogate carry for me if it meant I could carry and deliver my own child like most women. Oh well, this is the route we have to take; and because I know at the end of this particular path is a baby for us, I will smile the whole way.

Here she is! My wonderful carrier & cousin, Kristen.

For more information about our fertility clinic, please visit them at www.NorthCarolinaFertility.com

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National Infertility Awareness Week

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In honor of NIAW this coming Monday, 4/22, I wrote the following entry. It is being nominated for the “Hope Award” for best blog, via the RESOLVE organization. I could win a trip to NY to speak about my story & infertility if I win! Fingers crossed…

I strongly believe that women are the strongest beings on Earth, and here’s my tribute to those of us who have been down this rocky road.

Don’t ignore…

Don’t ignore time. Four months ago, I was four months pregnant – and it was taken in an instant. Don’t take any second of your life for granted, it is all with a purpose. My first and only pregnancy I will ever experience is now a precious memory that I will carry with me always, but I have learned that time presses on with or without your consent. I wanted to stay wrapped in the week that I lost him, because it was easier to say that “earlier this week, I was pregnant”. That week grew to a month, and now has turned into a quarter of a year. A month from now, what would have been my due date will approach and time will not slow down or cease to exist just because I dread that day.  And after that, it will be one bundle of memories that I tie together in order to move forward and still remember it all; time heals all wounds.

Don’t ignore the fact that we women warriors fighting the battle of infertility deserve a family just as much as a woman who can get pregnant naturally. Without my uterus, I am still human; I still have emotions and feelings, and the insatiable need to be a mother. I can still be one of the best mothers that this Earth has ever known, even if it means that my child will come from another woman’s womb. I have learned a lot from this tragedy life has handed me, one thing being that I will never give up. I always wondered when my “breaking point” in this path would be, but it seems as though the harder the path gets, the stronger my will becomes. I am not scared of the cost, or the trials, or the tests, or the legalities, or the nay-sayers and pessimists, or the possibility of failing; because I have already failed and picked myself back up. Life gets no worse for me than what I have already been through, so bring on the storms and I’ll show you what steel magnolias are made of.

Don’t ignore the priceless gift that those extraordinary miracles of women that we call “surrogates” or “gestational carriers” give to us infertile women. If the birth of a baby is considered a miracle, then the selflessness of a woman willing to carry that miracle for someone else must be a Godsend; these saints on Earth that we have the privilege of knowing are here to be the real heroes in these scenarios. Sure, our foundation is going on to help other couples like us begin families, but the truth is that we cannot help people like us without the women who are willing to be the missing link that we need in the chain of what creates a family.

Don’t ignore your own feelings of hopelessness and sorrow through this journey. While no sane person enjoys being sad, it is necessary to understand that you have a disease just as other women who suffer from other debilitating illnesses. Emotionally, mentally, and physically you have felt the wrath of one of the most unfair and unfortunate situations any woman can imagine. Let your beautiful soul heal in whatever way is necessary, so that one day when that miracle of life is given to you, you can look at your new life with a deep and undying appreciation for yourself and your new family. I am proud of my scars both internally and externally, because they are the accessories to my life story and proof that I have earned my incredible strength.

And don’t ignore the safety net that is formed from the network of family, friends, and community that support the people like us walking this path. Whether it’s a best friend or a business, a neighborhood or a supper club, we need the support system that God provides us with – no matter how small or large. We will weather this storm, but it is a much more tolerable storm when we have the umbrellas of care, compassion, love and understanding provided by the incredible people in our lives that refuse to leave us out in the rain.

Please visit our website, www.RobertWilliamFoundation.org, to learn how we are working to help other couples begin families. We are also advocating for change in legislation regarding IVF/ART coverage in insurance mandates in NC. Read all about it, and learn how to help us help others!

Please visit these fertility services and advocacy sources:

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Newspapers & Magazines

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We are so excited to have been featured in the Charlotte Observer and Lake Norman Currents Magazine this month! Both pieces were beautifully written accounts of our tragedy turned triumph, thanks to our community. Read our pieces and pick up your copy at the following locations:

Charlotte Observer (Wednesday, April 4th edition: order from www.charlotteobserver.com)

Lake Norman Currents Magazine: Local Harris Teeter’s, Food Lion, and most businesses/medical offices.

Links to our stories:

Lake Norman Currents E-Pub

Charlotte Observer: Mooresville News

April 2012 Lake Norman Currents Magazine

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If the shoe fits..

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Finding the perfect pair of shoes can be a daunting task. Imagine trying to find the pair of shoes that will be your “trademark”; I know, that sounds so superficial. But, that’s how I’m dealing. I decided a month or so ago that I wanted to find a pair of baby-blue heels to wear for events and functions when I don’t want to always wear blue outfits. To me, it’s no different than wearing a uniform to work. My “brand” now is my foundation, and blue represents RWF (and me). So weeks ago, after committing to many public events for the foundation in the coming months, I decided to begin the hunt for the perfect pair of blue shoes. Nothing fancy or embellished, and nothing so high that I couldn’t walk without breaking an ankle.

I searched the internet for days. I tried searching Google, Bing, you name it. I looked online at department stores, shoe stores, shoe outlets, you name it. I found dozens of pairs of dark blue, navy blue, aqua, teal, and even periwinkle; but no light, baby, powder, or pastel blue. I tried all the names you could think of for “baby blue” and even learned a few new ones (apparently “china blue” refers to light blue, which doesn’t make sense to me because traditional ‘china’ is a dark blue on white porcelain..). I never knew there were so many shades of blue.

So, as I always say, when you give up looking for something, that’s when you find it. I was at the outlet stores in Gaffney today with some friends when my very own light/powder/baby/pastel/china blue shoes were waiting for me. The only size 7 in the store, I knew it was meant to be. This all may sound so pathetic, but it’s these little moments of triumph that fuel me through the bad days. Armed with my new shoes (and feeling like a shoe-warrior), I felt like my 1 hour trip into SC was a success. Check that off the list; next up: IVF. Pretty sure I won’t find that in any outlets, however…

Here they are! They even show off my prized "Robert William".