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Hey, we’re kind of a big deal.

December 7, 2012 | jamiepursley

WOW. I wake up this morning and our post on Ellen’s facebook page is at 53,000 likes. AMAZING! It gained 20,000 likes over night.

We have links everywhere to our main website (RWF) and this blog, as well as Kristen’s blog. Here are some photos from our amazing journey: Hope you enjoy them! Please keep sharing our Ellen page here…Thank you for your support and love!!

How can you help?? Drop Ellen a few lines on her website – Why Jamie and Kristen should be on the show!

XOXO – Jamie

oy! So much blood drawn! But worth it!

My sweet baby boy Liam safe in SurroMomma’s belly!

My first fertility drug shots. I did it!!

Kristen’s trial transfer procedure – everything looks great!

REACH clinic of Charlotte

My ovaries were huge, I was ready!

He is with me – always.

Getting ready for the transfer! July 2012

Two embryos we put in. Beautiful!

Okay! We’re ready!

We got the call. She’s PREGNANT! July 30 2012

Proud Mommy, SurroMomma, and Daddy!

Hello in there! I’m your Mommy!

Our hero.

There aren’t enough flowers in the world.

My parents – soon to be Grampy and Grammy!

Say hello, Liam!

Hi everyone!

Yes indeed, it is a BOY!

Ellen!!!!

December 6, 2012 | jamiepursley

ItsaBoy We’re going to be on Ellen!

Ok maybe not just yet. But I believe in mind over matter!

Please read my blog to learn about my story and help us by liking our photo on Ellen’s facebook page. Share it: Our Post on Ellen’s Page

Here’s the link to our main website and our story: Robert William Foundation

At this rate, we are getting close to 100 likes a minute. Please help us share this!! The one-year anniversary of my tragic story is next week and I would love nothing more than to go on Ellen and tell the world: there is hope!!

Lots of love!!
Jamie

Jake and I with our hero, Kristen

The search is on!

November 26, 2012 | jamiepursley

It’s beginning to feel more real as the weeks move forward. Today I went to Babies R Us to check out their selection of all the necessities. I also encountered the first (of many) inquisitive stares as I moved happily along the aisles with my tagging gun. One sweet lady was forward enough to ask, as we were both browsing bassinets, when I was due. I stared at her very prominent belly for a second before replying, knowing the question that would follow; she shared that she was due in two weeks. Without giving her the time to ask, I offered the information I knew was lingering in her mind: “My cousin is carrying a baby for me because I can’t. She’s 21 weeks, due in April with my son”. We stood and talked for a while, sharing little tidbits about our …pregnancies… and doing the “mommy bond” thing. It was nice, I have to admit, to be accepted by another pregnant mom so quickly. I felt like I was part of that exclusive club once again, and it felt nice.

I found this pin after we decided on his name. I love God winks

In my quest to get ideas for Liam’s room, I still haven’t found the perfect “theme” or crib set. Let me clarify: I know what I want, I just can’t find it anywhere! I found the most beautiful room on Pinterest and I’ve been in love ever since. However, all little boy room sets seem to be baby animals or trucks and trains. While those are adorable, it’s not what I see when I picture his room.
I have this crib (which I purchased from a lady on Craigslist – hooray!), and we already have aqua furniture to tie in the blues. I just can’t find the perfect sheets/comforter to match. The solution? Having a best friend with the sewing skills and craftiness of Martha Stewart and Better Homes & Gardens combined. This little boy is getting custom made bedding – that’s right! I’m so excited.

But I must admit, this whirlwind of nursery prepping and “nesting” feels like a sad attempt at a distraction from what’s to come in the next three weeks. It’s all I’ve thought about for the past two weeks, and it gets stronger every day. Each day I remember what I was doing on that day last year – finishing up school, preparing for final exams, but most importantly feeling my belly every day and knowing that my dream had finally come true.

It’s hard, which is obvious, but I’m doing the best I can to stay busy and focus on the wonderful things we have going right now. It feels wrong to be in the same place mentally that I was last year – to be excited about expecting a baby for two years in a row. There are a lot of other feelings and emotions going through my mind and heart right now, but that pretty much sums it up for now. All we can do is take each day with new eyes and an open heart, and let the never-ending grieving process run its course.

Hugs -
Jamie

11.11.11

November 12, 2012 | jamiepursley

It was a year ago today that I happily announced to the world (which was a much smaller following at that point), that I was pregnant. I remember waking up that morning and deciding “today’s the day!”. We all know that once news is Facebook official, it’s really official.
That was the very first decision I made in sharing my life’s journey with everyone I know. I had no idea the path my life would take and the decisions that I would face from there on. Sharing our journey has felt very natural to me, all except the stressful weeks surrounding Kristen’s positive pregnancy tests and finding out that we had lost another baby. Still, I run into people weekly and my story seems to come up organically. People ask about my RWF wristband, some will ask if I have children, and some people have even recognized me from the news or editorials we’ve been featured in. It truly humbles me and warms the deepest part of my heart when someone says that I helped them in some way by sharing my story. Women have told me that they follow my blog because they too were going through IVF/pregnancy assistance and gained strength or courage from knowing that I could do it; some women have said that they appreciate my honesty and frankness about how to help someone in this situation cope. However it’s helped anyone, that was all my intention ever was for all of this and I feel so grateful to have had the chance to reach even a small number of people.
But, the fire in my heart is growing and I’m feeling like it’s time to really start moving forward. I’m ready to start the publishing process and really get my writing organized and ready for the presentation package. There’s so much I haven’t published (yet) from my personal journal that I kept while I was recovering (a few are here) and so much more I want to add. I can see the organization in my mind and I know how I want everything laid out – I’m ready to share everything this time and I can’t wait to get this ball rolling. I feel like the closer I get to the dreaded year anniversary (12.14.12), I need to purge myself of all the current happenings so that I can really focus on being productive. And to be very honest, I am terrified.

I know what’s coming and I’ve watched some friends/family go through the grieving process all over again at the year mark. I’ve been feeling it coming for a few weeks now, and my body has definitely been responding to those bottled up emotions. Trying my best to just make it through student teaching is hard enough; I’ve had more mental breakdowns in the last couple of weeks than I have in the past 3 months. It seems like the mantra “I can do this” has been on repeat in my head for fear that something else is going to fall apart. This time a year ago, my life felt “perfect”, and it quickly changed just a month later. I’m in the same position now, anxiously awaiting December so that I can get past that year mark but also so that I can run as fast as I can across the stage at UNCC and hurry away with my diploma before someone changes their mind. I feel like my life is in a constant state of “dash and crash” when it comes to anticipation and optimism. Realistically, I wonder all the time when I’ll finally hit my limit with looking on the bright side; but I’m not meaning to complain about it, I believe it’s a real gift to be able to still look forward to things at all at this point.
Please, friends & readers, share my blog with anyone you know would like to read it or may benefit from it and ask them to sign up to become followers. The more followers I have, the better when it comes to presenting a package to a publisher. The higher my numbers are shows that more people are interested in my story/writing and the easier it will be to promote and push. I’ve wanted this since everything happened when I needed help myself, and I think my story (and my book) could really be something like nothing else out there. There’s a lot more to my story than even some of my close friends know, but I’ll never get to share it all unless I can make this happen! I want to share and foster positivity and perseverance, and above all, possibility.

A little too late

September 19, 2012 | jamiepursley

My husband sent me a link this afternoon via email. The subject of the email read “Too little, too late”. My heart dropped as I opened the link and the news report from ABC opened up and the first word my eye caught was “uterus”.

I feel sick to my stomach thinking that there could soon be the possibility of a successful uterine transplant in the U.S for several reasons. I can’t pin point exactly how I feel about it, but at least I know that I care.

My heart sinks thinking of all the time I’ve spent mourning the loss of my child bearing ability. The possibility of reversing my physical impairment is something I can’t quite accept. This may be a crude comparison, but I have already lost that part of me and I can’t imagine how I would feel if I got it back; especially if there were complications post surgery. There’s no guarantee that even with the transplant that a pregnancy would be successful; would I even want to take the chance again?
But then there’s the possibility of knowing the feeling of being pregnant again; and that feeling just may overpower all other emotions. To experience pregnancy again, no matter how sick I was during my brief experience, I would give almost anything. The ability to carry my own children and give birth to them is something I have wanted my whole life – and now there are women just like me that may be given the chance.

And then I think, my life wouldn’t be going in the direction I’m headed without that life experience, no matter how terrible it was. I would never want to live through it again, but I know very well that I am a different person now because of it. I appreciate things more, I feel compassionate for others more, and one day when I do have children I will thank God for every second that I have with them.

Moving forward with life, I don’t know what my decision would be if I was presented with the opportunity to have this surgery. I do know, however, that I am completely supportive of the chance for other women to change their ability to carry their own children. Some people ask me, “how could you say that when there are so many children that need adopted in our country?” Well, my answer to that is simple – when the politics are taken out of family planning, this country will not have to worry so much about how many children need to be adopted. If the process for a child to find a home did not involve such lengthy, tiring, and often extremely expensive lengths, I think more children would have permanent homes.

I can speak of this personally, as Jake and I had the opportunity twice to potentially adopt newborns. Both chances were taken away when the birth mother decided to keep her child. In the state of North Carolina, birth mothers are entitled to a length of time in which they may decide to change their minds about giving up their baby. After what we’ve been through, how could anyone in our situation be expected to be given a baby just to have it potentially taken back? We’ve already experienced that once; no thank you.
So to those who may benefit from a uterine transplant - go for it. Make children the way women were designed to do so instead of the way society deems appropriate. There will still be families who choose to adopt, and there will still be women who choose to give up their babies; these cycles will not be broken by a scientific break through in women’s fertility.

Source: ABC News

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/uterus-transplant-latest-fertility-feat/story?id=17261824#.UFnnAK6nxnA

Really?!

August 14, 2012 | jamiepursley

Just a rant.

It’s 1:30 am and I’m looking for something on tv (I can’t sleep, surprise!). The first 3 channels I always go to:

E! – Kourtney Kardashian having an ultrasound and discussing birthing options.

MTV – Snooki having an ultrasound,
discussing what her baby is doing in her womb.
VH1 – some “real house wife” in a fertility clinic meeting about going through egg retrieval and cryofreezing (preservation).

……really??! Sweet dreams to me! Some days are just “those days”.

7 months and 5 days later -

July 20, 2012 | jamiepursley

July 19^th 2012

To some people, the definition of “waiting a lifetime” means years, decades, or more; for others, a lifetime is 7 months of excruciating emotional rollercoasters, fake smiles, and weekly counseling sessions. I haven’t pretended to have endured a “lifetime” of waiting for my baby, but I’ve certainly been through my own lifetime supply of heartbreak.

Today, there was a break in the clouds for us when we witnessed the implantation of our precious little embryo into our carrier’s uterus. Before I explain that process, let me give an overview of my own procedure last weekend.

On Saturday July 14^th, exactly 7 months to the day after I lost what I thought was all hope, the angels-in-disguise-as-doctors at the REACH clinic harvested my eggs. I had been prepping my body for months; I quit drinking caffeine a month before I started injections, and rested every day like they instructed me to. I kept my stress as low as possible, and diligently injected myself 4 times a day with insane amounts of hormones. All for the glimmer of hope at having a baby! The procedure went smoothly, partially because I was under IV sedation. I had forgotten what a Godsend that medication is, because truly I wouldn’t have been able to lie on the table during that procedure without it. I was a nervous wreck before they even took me back; wondering how many eggs they would be able to get, how many would be “good”, what it would feel like when I woke up, etc. A little bee sting and a syringe of sleepy-juice later, I was waking up from a great nap with the anticipation of learning how many “egglings” I had produced. The magic number was 17.

If you’ve read my previous entries, there is one specifically detailing the mathematical madness behind egg retrieval and fertilization. What it boils down to is that we started with 23 total eggs before my harvesting. Of those, 17 were mature enough to retrieve and then 14 of those were acceptable for fertilization. After fertilization, 11 made it through the first night and continued to divide and grow into embryos. Unfortunately, only 2 embryos made it to the optimal stage of development for implantation or cryofreezing (storage). IVF is a numbers game, and it’s the risk you take when going through the process not knowing exactly what to expect. But, we remain optimistic and hope that God’s plan for us is two successful pregnancies resulting in our biological children.

((Quick side note – if you’re reading this, and you’ve ever suffered a miscarriage, please understand that this “numbers game” applies to all women! Getting pregnant is truly a timed miracle, don’t give up. Your little eggling is in there J ))

So today, Dr. Wing (ironic name, we know) explained which of the embryos was the farthest along in maturation and why it was the best to transfer. We were given pictures of our precious embryos from the embryologist, and I was even allowed to go back into the OR with Kristen for the transfer. The minute I walked through the doors, my palms got sweaty and I felt the hot stinging of tears filling their stations ready to be released. I looked up at the operating room TV screen to watch the embryologist prepare the embryo into the transfer catheter, and then changed my focus to the other screen monitoring Kristen’s uterus. I watched as the greyscale tones changed on the screen indicating that the catheter was in place, and I could see the tube in its final position for transfer. A split second trigger and my precious little ball of cells was officially in its 9 month 98.6 degree oven for baking. I completely and totally lost it and cried my eyes out in front of the doctor and nurses; I’m sure it’s not the first time they’ve seen it, but it was such an emotional release. I’m sure I was squeezing Kristen’s hand harder than she was squeezing mine, but I was so thankful that I got to be there and witness this miracle.

After 30 minutes of resting, Kristen was released from the clinic and able to go home and enjoy 24 hours of bed rest.

My aunt said to me tonight on the phone, “some people don’t realize the true miracle that a baby really is, but the two of you get to witness every stage of it”. It’s true; I’m still in shock that I saw everything I did today. The miracle of life itself was on a TV screen in an operating room, and I have the pictures to prove it.

Now, it’s a waiting game. Kristen will come back to the clinic on our scheduled day (which will remain a mystery, sorry!) for her pregnancy test. The blood test will take about 2 hours to process, which will be the longest 2 hours of my life. I’m excited, hopeful, optimistic, but still cautiously realistic. There is no guarantee in life and I understand that all too well, but I truly believe this is our time, and I’m more than ready.

And here it is…

We make some cute embryos!

Can I see?

July 2, 2012 | jamiepursley

In the past few months especially, I have encountered more than a handful of people “curious” about my surgical scar. It’s funny to me that once people learn my story, or recognize me from any of our media coverage, one of their first questions is “how bad is the scar?”. There have even been some people brave enough to ask to see it!

Battle Wounds

Well, it’s not pretty, but I don’t care. I have been to a number of pools this summer already and have noticed the stares and inquisitive expressions on women’s faces especially. It’s not a traditional “c-section” scar, so I can tell they are wondering what in the world happened. I wish I could walk around with a sign above my head “see website for details”.

So, I thought I would do exactly that. I thought posting a picture on my blog would answer a lot of questions and also serve as an educational tidbit for those who think any part of pregnancy for women is “easy”. This scar is proof that I was once pregnant, and I embrace it as a special forever-mark that a little angel passed through this spot.

Lastly, you will notice the bruises and whelps around the scar. This, my friends, is the happiest I have ever been to see bruises on my body. They represent the shots I give myself every day and what I am willing to do to become a mommy.

The moral of this specific entry – don’t feel sorry for me for having a huge scar. Don’t feel sorry for my bruises, or for me having to give myself shots every day. I’m okay with my scar because it reminds me everyday that I’m going to always have an angel baby in Heaven watching over me, Jake, and my babies here on Earth; and that I’m still alive because of that 5 inch scar on my stomach. I will never have a cute pregnant belly to show off, or many pictures of the stages of pregnancy to put in a scrapbook – this is the picture of what changed my life 7 months ago and redefined who I am for the rest of my life.

Giving shots, like a boss!

June 18, 2012 | jamiepursley

Yeah, I’m proud – I’ve been scared of needles most of my life, and I just gave myself my first fertility shot!

Not only was this moment a huge stepping stone against a fear, it marked the beginning of our final step to becoming parents. I will give myself this particular medicine via injections each day for 14 days, which will shut down my ovaries. Let me explain..

In order to retrieve lots of good, fertile eggs, my body needs to know to produce them. Otherwise, our bodies only prepare one or two (normally) eggs each month. So, we are going to shut off my ovaries (hello, menopause!) for two weeks, and then essentially shock them back with jumper cables. That is, if jumper cables were in the form of another two weeks worth of injections.

My ovaries will rev back up into overdrive and get lots of precious eggs ready to be retrieved. Technically, we don’t need “lots” of eggs, as only one will be implanted in our gestational carrier. However, we are playing this game as if odds were against us (imagine that!). If I break it down for you like a good elementary school teacher would, here’s the mathematical/statistical facts:

- Say they retrieve 25 eggs from me (which is about twice the normal amount, but likely for me because my ovaries are healthy).

- 1/3 of these eggs will most likely not be chromosomally complete or “ideal” (even though I love them all..) so now I only have about 16 viable eggs.

- Then we go on to the fertilization phase. About another 1/3 of the viable eggs will not fertilize due to various reasons. This leaves about 10 eggs that are now fertilized.

- Only half (yes, half!) of these eggs will go on to divide and grow into healthy embryos. That is 5, my friends! 5 healthy, viable embryos to pick from and freeze the rest.
I can’t imagine how women who go through all of this and only retrieve a few eggs must feel. I’ve never understood what a delicate balance getting pregnant is – and how perfect the timing and chemistry must be! No wonder perfectly healthy people can try for months or years without getting pregnant “unexplained”. I have scientists “aligning the stars” for me in this case, but to all my fertile friends out there – have faith!!

I’m a pro!

Menopause at ..27?

June 13, 2012 | jamiepursley

In seven days I will begin my first round of fertility shots. Hooray! I never knew I would be this excited to experience menopause and ovarian-overload all in one month. Wait, menopause?

That’s how this process works. The first cycle of injections I’m about to begin will completely shut down my ovaries. To clarify, I have had a partial hysterectomy (removed my uterus but left my ovaries). So, I still have hormones naturally and the occasional “monthly” rollercoaster; however, I do not have a uterus therefore no periods. So, it is still necessary to take the Lupron (ovaries-off drug) in order to successfully overstimulate with the second cycle of drugs.

A couple of weeks after my first cycle of injections, I’ll start the next phase which will stimulate my ovaries to produce lots of eggs (imagine a chicken laying 4-5 times the amount of eggs they normally do). Sounds like fun! After a couple of weeks of these injections, I’ll go in for some final blood work and ultrasounds, and then the grand finale of my work: the egg retrieval. They will harvest my eggs, as many as they can from both ovaries, and begin the fertilization process.

You have two choices when it comes to the fertilization: you can allow the eggs and sperm to self-fertilize (the “natural” method), or embryologists will singularly fertilize each viable egg. Our doctors have advised us to do half natural and half assisted fertilizations. The reasoning behind this is that A) We are technically not “infertile” other than me missing a mechanical part to my baby-oven and therefore we don’t really need someone to fertilize the eggs for us, and B) At this point in the game, we aren’t taking chances on anything not working properly and as long as we’ve come this far in the process, I feel a little hypocritical saying I demand to take the “natural” route anymore. So we decided to make everyone happy and let half of the little guys try on their own, and lend a helping hand to the other half. No pun intended.

The next month will either fly by, or drag on seemingly like a year. Either way, I’m finally starting to get excited. After everything we’ve been through, I don’t really know what to do with these feelings. A huge part of me doesn’t even want to get excited about anything before it happens, I suppose as a protection measure. I know it’s no way to live life, but it’s hard to be optimistic about the one thing that nearly destroyed my life. I hope to look back on these blogs a few months from now with gratefulness, as I do now thinking back to January and February and how much progress I have made mentally since those dark months. I’m ready for the day not far from now when I can say again that we are expecting; maybe it’s not in my own body, but we are the proud parents of those beautiful little miracles that will live in a petri dish for their first days of life, and then in a rented-oven for the next 9 months.

Bring on the needles, I’m ready to be a Mommy!

No Foot Is Too Small

The Journey to Becoming Parents

Tag Archives: pregnancy